Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Top 10 Things from The Thing

The Thing has always been my number one favorite horror movie of all time because it was the first movie that scared me so much and my gateway into more R-rated horror. But, it was the creature design that made this movie so memorable so I have taken the liberty into creating a Top 10 Things list from The Thing. So, lets light this wire and see who is who:

10. The Frozen Thing – Now, technically this is a Thing because they found it frozen in the snow… but it was never really alive but it makes the list because you have to think about what this Thing could have been had it been alive. With that twisted face, I don’t even want to know.

9. The Blair Thing – This was the more normal looking Thing because even after it’s transformation it still maintained it’s human look. Why it makes the list? Because it dug it’s fingers right into the cheeks of Garry and then pulled him, by the face, along the ground. That’s has to hurt and it’s very brutal. Plus, no expression makes him all the more out of this world.

8. The Windows Thing – Again, much like The Frozen Thing, you never really see what it looks like and McReady torches it before it could take action, but I have to include it because if The Palmer Thing looked the way it looked, than imagine what The Windows Thing could have been. Plus, Windows is one of my favorite characters so I think he deserves a little something.

From Blogger Pictures

7. The Thing – This was one of the more bizarre Things and the reason why it’s so low is because it wasn’t really anything special compared to most of the other Things but it’s still the Big Kahuna and it’s still awesome and the best alien design ever! It has giant teeth like the Palmer Thing, a twisted body like the Frozen Thing and it has a deformed Dog Thing coming right out of it’s chest. Plus, lets not forget the fact that it races along the floorboards and it has giant tentacles. This is one alien that you don’t want to fuck with.

From Blogger Pictures

6. The Palmer Thing – What a badass Thing for such a sarcastic and relaxed character. This Thing has such a twisted face that the eyes start to pop out and pints of blood start to gush out of it’s face… but what makes this Thing so much fun is the fact that it jumps off of the couch and slams straight into the ceiling. The fucking ceiling. Then, if that’s not enough, it lands and it’s head opens up into one giant mouth with teeth and bits Window’s head and thrashes him about. McReady torches it but this was still a badass Thing nevertheless.

From Blogger Pictures

5. The Norris Thing – Also known as The Copper Chopper, this Thing was the one that killed Copper by having its stomach open up, to reveal teeth, then chewing off his hands. Now that is kicking ass and taking names. Not to mention, once this happens and slightly deformed Thing rockets out of his chest and attaches itself to the ceiling. Now, this is still part of the same entity and the only way I can describe it is to compare it to a human-spider-thing, but if you want the visual just look beneath the paragraph. The Norris Thing is one for the books and it killed one of my favorite characters…. Norris, the naive one.

From Blogger Pictures

4. The Bennings Thing – The second more human looking Thing, the only difference is the creepy crab-like hands it’s sporting. But, the reason why this Thing makes it this high for being so average looking is because of one thing that will always haunt me (reminded me of Invasion of the Body Snatchers 1978), and that’s the screech that the Bennings Thing makes before it gets burned. It’s eyes bulge and its mouth opens and it’s just very, very spooky. That face and that sound will always haunt me. Plus, seeing the real Bennings in that chair with red and purple tentacles wrapped around him sucking the life out of him… that’s fucked up.

From Blogger Pictures

3. The Blood Thing – Though it may be small, it packs a punch and like Blair stated… it’s still one entity. This little bugger scared the shit out of me, mainly because I never expected it, and all it did was burst out of Palmer’s blood. Furthermore, when McReady drops the dish the blood splatters all over the floor and then recollects itself. Who knew that blood could be lethal; I guess when The Thing is loose… anything goes.

Courtesy of Drew Daywalt of

From Blogger Pictures

2. The Head-Spider Thing – Okay, many people have credited this Thing as one of the more famous creatures and it is. I remember watching this movie for a second time (first time I couldn’t get through the whole movie) and I passed the scene that I first got scared at and when this scene came on… I turned the set off. Why? Because after watching Arachnophobia I had a sever case of arachnophobia so seeing an upside down head on spider legs wasn’t really comforting.  But c’mon, it’s freaky as hell to see the Norris Thing behead itself and then extending its tongue to hide under the table. Then, out of nowhere, it sprouts legs and scuttles away. In the immortal words of Palmer “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

From Blogger Pictures

1. The Dog Thing – This one is more personal because of its effect on me. I saw this movie when I was 8 or 9 for the first time and when that dog kennel scene came up, it frightened me so much that it gave me a severe case of insomnia (that I am still battling today). Just seeing the dog’s face split open like a flower, entrails spewing out, white shit squirting at other things, that weird flower thing of teeth and see those dogs being consumed by this thing… it terrified me. I could never relive the terror that I felt that day. It was a giant mass of organs, flesh and giant gooey claws. Even worse was the fact that it was in the dark so some of the Thing you couldn’t even see because of the dark. Thank God McReady torched it (again) because it was the most frightening thing that I ever saw in a movie.

From Blogger Pictures

So, that is my list of the top 10 Things from The Thing. I don’t think that this movie could have been better and it’s mainly due to its character study and the fact that Carpenter never used CGI (cause it wasn’t around) but rather puppets and claymation… and that is far more scarier than any CGI. It was real in a way and that’s why I love this movie. 


Kelly said...

I have to agree this is prety much a perfect film. OK, so I didn't like the ending. But SO WHAT, the rest was so freakin' rad. I liked your article and it gave me quite a chuckle, I'll be passing it along to my tweeps.

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