Thursday, December 31, 2009

I Would Like To Thank...

I want to take this time to recap some of my ‘inspirations’ this year. Most of them pertain to either the blog or myself as a person. It’s been a very interesting year and it’s been a year when I took my first real step into filmmaking and blogging and it was the year that I decided to exercise my writing capabilities and start a horror blog. I would like to take some time and thanks some key people who helped me design and create my website (most of them never really physically helped me but encouraged and gave me ideas to incorporate into the blog).

The Paradise of Horror would like to thank…

James Rolfe (Cinemassacre) – because he was the whole reason why I go into blogging in the first place. After trolling around his site and seeing what worked, how to format blogs, how to organize them and how to edit them I realized that this was something that I wanted to do.

John Cozzoli (Zombo’s Closet) – because he considered me as a nomination to be a part of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers and because of his group he led me to find other amazing horror bloggers and people. Thank you John.

Mike Braken (Horror Geek) – because he helped me build up a style of writing and after reading his posts, he sort of taught me what kind of news to look for and how to write about it. I also realized that I needed a logo because he had a pretty awesome banner.

Bryan (Cinema Suicide) – because he was one of the few people that I talked to when it came to blogging and he introduced me to the LAMB and the Rondo Awards. Also, he taught me to push myself to the top and to never back down.

Brian Collins (Horror Movie A Day) – because his blog was the whole reason why I got into Blogger, which sounds stupid but also I found the Hatchet Army group as well as Rifftrax through his blog. It was also through his ‘followers’ that I met even more interesting horror folk.

Steve Jencks (Lost Highway) – because he, despite my very late check to him, agreed to do a logo for my blog and him and I were on the same wavelength when he came up with the best concept idea for it money can buy!! Also, his work is amazing.

Bloody Disgusting (Brad, Brian, David, Tim, Keenan, TJ, Danny, Kiel and Ryan) – because they pretty much gave me all the info that I needed for my blog as well as for my own knowledge. They are a great website and they truly are the best of the best.

Steve Barton (Dread Central) – because he, much like Bryan, told me to peruse my dream, never back down and to never take ‘no’ for an answer. His words really spoke to me and he also helped me get through one of the toughest times in my life… even if it was random for him on his end. (Same goes for Debi Moore).

Rick would like to thank…

Alexa (NinjaBunny89) – she is one of my best friends and she is one of the few girls that can talk and tolerate my weirdness and vice versa. She has been a great friend and I am glad that I had a chance to talk to her several times.

Brian Soloman (Vault of Horror) – because he is such an awesome guy and because he was one of the few people that I contacted for blog help and he plugged me into his little online group. Also, he helped me get started with Horror Blips, even though I still don’t know how it works.

Stuart Conover (Buy Zombie) – because he gave me a writing position on his website and always posts my reviews and articles. Also, he finds some of the most random shit and sends it to me… completing my day.

Mitch Wells (Horror Society) – because he, like Stu, gave me a position at Horror Society for writing reviews and he showed me all the horror conventions around Chicago. He also introduced me to the Portage Theater and the Music Box.

The Horror Press – She also gave me a position for writing on her blog too.

Brittany Colangelo (Day of Woman) –because she, along with Brian, helped me format and led me to find some awesome horror folk. Plus, I love her posts and her ideas. I had a great time meeting her and she is a great person too.

Rich Wolf (Obscure Horror) – because he is always fun to talk to and he has seen the same ‘obscure’ and bad horror flicks that I once saw when I was younger.

Lawrence Raffel (FearNet) - because he makes me hungry. Always.

So, there is the list and those are the main people that I would like to thank for helping me out with my blog development and for being good friends. To my other readers out there that I missed, I also want to thank all of you for your contributing comments and for your support. You guys are the real heroes of the year. I thank you and lets look forward to another great year (hopefully) of horror. Thank you all.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My First Short Film

Let me first state that I did not make this movie at all. In fact, it was written and directed by my good friend Devin Cain, whom I met last year at my college and ever since I told him that I wanted to be an editor, he has set it stone that I will be his editor for all of his movies. This was my first ‘real’ thriller movie that I had a chance to edit and stretch my creative ideas. I love it, but I think I could have done something more with the ending. I want to thank Devin for letting me work with him as well as the entire cast and crew of this film, whom I never met in real life.

Creepies - final cut.

Note: I cannot embed the video into the post but please go to the website and watch it.

Well, that’s the movie. Let me know what you think. No matter what you say, I am really, really proud of this and how it turned out.

Monday, December 28, 2009

The Worst of Blockbuster Horror Movies

Today’s post is something that I am trying out and something that I always wanted to do for a long time. Back when I started watching diverse horror movies I would always go to Blockbuster or Hollywood Video for my horror fix. I decided to do a list of all the bad horror movies that I saw from Blockbuster that I never even heard of until I saw the cover. This is the worse horror movies that Blockbuster had.

  • Leprechaun 3 – At first I liked this movie until I realized that they had turned a good dark horror comedy into just a mockery. Truly tasteless.
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation – This was a movie that was a disappointment to the TCM franchise and some of the most stupidest things in it.
  • The Mangler – Atmospherically, this movie is amazing but the plot is very off and the special effects were awful near the end.


  • Leprechaun 4: In Space – I watched 20 minutes of this when I was 8 and I turned it off because they took the mockery one step further.
  • Killer Tongue – Accompanied with a bad plot, bad effects and really bad humor, what did this movie in, ultimately, was the dialogue.
  • Head of the Family – I would not consider this horror at all because it was so long and drawn out and the movie had way too much sex in it.
  • Pinocchio’s Revenge – This movie was cheap, deplorable and it wasn't even excited to keep my attention.


  • Uncle Sam – This could have been a really good movie but instead it turned into a reall bad, unappealing, messy, laughable movie.
  • An American Werewolf in Paris – A good example of taking a good film and making a shitty sequel with shitty CGI, a shitty plot and a shitty cast.


  • Halloween: H2O – I found this movie suprisingly boring and not anywhere near as atmospheric as the original.
  • Carnival of Souls – Bad acting, bad plot, bad scares and really shitty sex makes this movie unbearable.
  • From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money – This film was a disaster because it lacks the two-in-one feel as the original and witty dialogue of QT.
  • Strangeland – What could have been a really good movie turned out to be a really bad and really tasteless film.
  • Sometimes They Come Back… For More – I don’t know how they made a remake to a really mediocre movie in the first place but it wasn’t scary and really stupid.


  • Komodo – With bad CGI, bad acting a really shitty forced plot, this film was hard to watch all the way through.
  • From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter – See 1998.
  • Believe – Honestly, this film was boring, I t was going by so slow and there was hardly any kind of shock value to it.
  • Camp Blood – All I did while watching this movie was laugh my ass off and notice that it was a ripoff off of Friday the 13th and The Burning.

Well, there it is… some truly bad films that I rented out of Blockbuster, but there were some good films that I rented. In fact, there were more good videos that I rented then there were bad films and that will be my next list.

Note: The poster above each year is the worse Blockbuster movie of that year.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas from The Paradise of Horror

I want to take this time to with each and every one of my friends, readers and fans a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday… from all of us (me) here at the Paradise of Horror. May your day be filled with holiday cheer, surrounded by friends and family and I hope that all of you get what you wanted. I wish you all well and I hope that you have a good rest of the day and again, have a happy holiday and a very, very merry Christmas!!!!
- Rick

Note: Stay tuned for my special posts regarding the summation of the decade and my posts regarding my 'inspirations' of the decade.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Three Ghosts of Christmas

Tonight, the night before Christmas Eve I want to talk about one of the greatest ghost stories of the last hundred plus years. I’m talking about Charles Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol.” It has been adapted into several TV shoes, films and short movies and has been retold over and over and in my opinion, there are only a couple of films that really captures the dark, grittiness of the original story. I think one of the best adaptations of this story was in 1988 in a film called Scrooged. Although, that was more of a modern version of it… there rarely was a good, dark version or at least there hasn’t been one in a while. That was until Robert Zemeckis followed up his movie Polar Express with A Christmas Carol.

Well, a few weeks ago I went and saw A Christmas Carol and I went in with mixed feelings considering I am a little bias towards computer animation other than Pixar but I came out loving the movie. It was fun, thrilling, heartwarming, funny and fucking terrifying. Yes, this movie had some of the most terrifying images I saw in a kids Christmas story in a long time. I want to take some time to talk about some of the horrifying scenes in this movie and why I would consider this movie… part horror. WARNING: There may be some spoilers.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Now, most people will say that this is one of the cuter ghosts that visit and he looks like a little floating candle with a flame for a hid and a face within the flame. Occasionally, he’ll twitch his head back and forth when the flam sparks but I found him especially disturbing because he smiles so sinisterly and he talks with an echo. It’s cute in a very unsettling way. The Ghost of Christmas Past is the very mellow of all the ghosts and compared to the rest… he’s actually pretty heartwarming to most kids.

The Ghost of Christmas Present.
Here is a very deceiving, lovable, ghost. At first, he is a holly jolly fat Irish man that looks like a younger version of Santa himself. What I loved about him was his laugh and that he could have fun but also get down to business. What’s frightening is how he introduces the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. He takes Scrooge and shrinks him and throws him into a clock platform, then opens up his robe to reveal two deformed troll like children known as Ignorance and Want. They are snarling and they attack him viciously and this scene looks like it came directly out of a horror movie. The Ghost then proceeds to laugh as the children mock Scrooge. As he is laughing, his face forms a horrifying harlequin smile and his whole body turns into skeleton and he falls over dead, skeletonized, eyes wide open and smiling.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Note: I do not have a picture for him from the movie, but I did find an older rendition that’s close to the movie version.
This ghosts manifests himself as a shadow of Scrooge and looks very similar to that of the Grim Reaper and rightfully so. His whole scenes of a future filled with green, pestering, death, rottenness and pure ugly hatred is very frightening and if that’s not enough… Scrooge is then chased by a, literally, faceless man with a shadowy horse and buggy with red-eyed horses breathing fire. It’s very operatic and extremely terrifying. And, if that’s not enough, when Scrooge gets to the cemetery and the Ghost shows him his grave… the Ghost grows to an enormous size as a vortex of wind and snow form around him and Scrooge is then dropped into the grave. He hangs on to a tree root that turns into the Ghost’s hand and then he falls down a deep red hole into his grave. It’s surprisingly dark and very haunting.

With the especially dreadful haunting of Jacob Marley, this version of A Christmas Carol does true justice to the book and I think it really puts the haunting in a new perspective. Though this film is getting some mixed reviews, it is a real ghost story and I do consider it part horror because of its subject matter. If anybody sees this movie or any other good version of the book… it really makes you sharpen up for Christmas. The last thing you need is for three ghosts and a dead friend to haunt you before Christmas Day.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Paradise Profiles: Dollar Bin Horror

For today’s Paradise Profile I am going to be interviewing Rhonda (Reaper) Kachur who is the creator of the blog Dollar Bin Horror. A “movie blog for the Horror fans on a budget.” I have read her blog and it is one of the most unique and good spirited blogs out there, which is why I decided to give her an interview.

What got you into horror?

I got into horror way back when i was four. My dad got cable for the sports and my parents really didn't pay attention to what I watched so I would be up watching Tales from the Crypt. I didn't really get obsessed with the genre till I was 14 and my dad brought a movie with him to watch during a visitation we had with him. The movie was the first Saw film, and i was hooked

What made you want to dedicate an entire blog to 'dollar bin' horror?
Well the last few years have been hard. I'm an unemployed college student, and my dad was layed off, so money around here is tight. I love horror but can't afford to go to the movies all the time. I found a dollar bin at a Save-a-Lot and found 3 horror movies in it. Ever since then instead of going to F.Y.E. for a movie, I just go to the supermarket.

How do you go about reviewing these movies? Do you buy them or do research on them?
I own almost all the movies I have reviewed so far and the ones I don't I've seen them either online, on tv, or from a friend. I pretty much just say what I think about the film and If it's worth the buck to buy it or not.

What was your inspiration to start a blog in the first place, regardless of what it would be about?
I actually made the blog on a random impulse. I was reading another horror blog, I think it was yours actually, and thought it would be fun to make one, so I did. I never thought I'd get as many followers as I have now ad never imagined doing interviews and reviews for other people. It's amazing and I love it.

I noticed that you are a Stephen King reader? What is your favorite book by him and why?
I absolutely adore Gerald's Game because of the imagery it puts in your head as you read it. It's one of the most disturbing books I have ever read, and I love it.

What film did the best adaptation of his book?
oh god there are so many that I love, but three pop in my head right ow. The first is IT. The next is The Green Mile. I know it's not horror, but I cried my ass off to that movie. The third is 1408. Not a lot of people agree with me, but I just love that movie and the way that one man's performance, John Cusack, could carry almost the entire film his back is amazing..

Why do you think horror is such a controversial subject?
I think it's because people blame violent actions on violence in the media. If a person saw a scary movie with blood and stuff in it, then went and murdered someone, it's automatically the movies fault. People use the defense that they were just doing what they saw in a movie or on tv and don't hold themselves accountable for there actions. I've been watching horror since I was four, have I killed anybody? No. It's controversial because it ca be used as a scapegoat.

What do you like to do in your spare time? (i.e. what is your relaxing methods?)
Other than watching horror movies, I love to sing. If I'm in a bad mood, I put on music and sing. I used to sing in a band and even made it to nationals in a singing competition. It's like a release for me. I would love to do it professionally one day along with making horror films if I get the opportunity.

You can click here for Dollar Bin Horror’s official website.
You can click here to become a fan of Dollar Bin Horror
Follow Rhonda by clicking here.
Follow Dollar Bin Horror by clicking here.

Tune in next time where I will interview Amanda Norman of Amanda Norman Photography.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Problem with Paranormal Activity

I first want to state that I am not saying that I hated Paranormal Activity, in fact, I loved it so much that I saw it three other times after I saw the advanced screening of it. The title is in reference to the amount of people that are saying how boring it is, how awful it was and the general disliking of it and what I think is the problem. Before the movie was theatrically released, there were talks all around film critics and festivals that there was a movie that was supposed to real footage of paranormal activity, or at least, based on real footage. By this time, all we had to base our ideas on was a brief story synopsis and a cook trailer that had some pretty scary scenes… and for the test audiences all they had was nothing to base opinions on except for a setup.

When the critics and the audiences got done seeing it they loved it, they raved about it, hell, they awarded it with high ratings because their expectations were at 0 because there was no hype. Then, after everybody got back home they wanted this movie to be theatrically released so that other people can enjoy it as much as them without knowing that by this time… the hype for this movie was increasing significantly. Commercials started airing that over blew the hype, and phrases like “demand it,” were making audiences even more psyched to see it. Because of all this hype, people that didn’t see it had HUGE expectations. I can’t blame the hypers because it was a good movie and I was one of the few people to see an advanced screening of it.

With the massive hype and all the critics praising the movie, audiences finally got a theatrical release of the film and they went in with the biggest expectations there was. They walked out of the movie disappointed. You can’t experience the true horror of this film now because of all the reviews and hype and the only way you can truly watch this movie with the same fright that people had is if you isolate yourself from all media or you go in with an open mind and don’t pay attention to the hype. The movie is slow paced, the frights gradually build up and that’s something that you have to understand.

The marketing for this movie was very genius and it really did help the sales but this is your classic case of good hype gone really bad. As for me, I loved it and I know I will buy it without having that same feeling of seeing this on the big screen, which was another problem. So many people downloaded the movie off their computers or got screeners of it that the scare effect wasn’t there. The only way to truly see this film is in a theater and on a big screen.

I know it’s kind of impossible for me to warn the masses of people already to go in with an open mind but this is just something that I thought I would do as an explanation as to why a lot of general audiences are laughing or disliking the movie all of a sudden.

Friday, December 18, 2009

R.I.P. Dan O'Bannon

Yesterday marked a very unfortunate and very sad time in horror movie history. Dan O’Bannon died. This man has contributed so much to the horror/action/sci-fi genre that we will never forget. He has written the brilliant screenplays for Dark Star, Alien, a portion in Heavy Metal and Total Recall. He redefined the zombie genre with the movie Return of the Living Dead, by not only making dead people talk but also combining zombies with a satirical piece on the punk movement of the 80s. He took the alien genre and gave it an eerie atmosphere and horror qualities to it. He turned it into a operatic slasher movie in space. He even wrote one of the most original horror movies of the 80’s called Dead & Buried.

It is because of these reasons that I say that Dan O’Bannon will be forever missed and us, the audience of your films, will never forget what you have contributed to filmmaking. Dan O’Bannon… I salute you.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Top 15 Horror Movies of the Decade

To cut this short, here is my Top 15 Horror Movies of the Decade. Not really happy with this list but it’s as close to what I can find.

1. The Mist – This is my all time favorite movie of the decade because it was one of the best adapted Stephen King books since Shawshank Redemption or It. Darabont creates an extremely tenses atmosphere and keeps you on the edge of you seat as to what will happen next. The amazing performances by the cast fuels the story and it makes you feel for the characters when something happens. Marcia Gay Harden did a fantastic job of portraying the crazy Mrs. Carmody and the scenes when the Army guy gets hauled off and thrown outside had to have been one of the most powerful scenes in the whole movie and perhaps the entire decade. There is lots of gore, lost of creature effects and the ending of this movie will make you stunned long after the movie is over.

2. Trick ‘r Treat – I am obsessed with this movie. I didn’t really take that much into the praise but when I saw the trailer it blew my mind away and when I finally saw it all I could do was walk out of the theater stunned! The movie owes a lot to Creepshow and Halloween and it owes even more to the traditions of Halloween. It has great scares, great stories and everything ties in beautifully. There is new age horror and old school horror. The atmosphere was very cartoony but also very dark, which is something that a lot of horror movies this decade lacked… a tone and atmosphere to go with the scares. It was an overall great achievement in originality and pure horror fun.

3. The Descent – I have never felt so claustrophobic in my life as I was watching The Descent. This was a great and truly horrifying horror movie that takes place in a cave, the one place that you cannot escape mutants. Now this movie has the definition of tenseness, anticipation and true horror and almost at every turn you are just waiting for something to happen and waiting for something to jump out. This movie fucks with your head and the doesn’t offer any kind of sympathy for it’s audience. Technically, it was beautifully shot for being inside a cave most of the time, the lighting was very critical to the movie and the makeup was astonishing. It just goes to show you that there are still good stories out there.

4. Cloverfield – This makes my list because it was the first movie that I followed the viral marketing from the preview on Transformers, to the fake Alpha site, to Slusho, to Taragato, to the oilrig incident all the way up to the actual movie. It was a fun ride and never in my life have I been so excited and thrilled over a movie then when I saw Cloverfield. This movie does something that avoids all the cliché monster gimmicks and tells the story from the civilian point of view. This avoids being like Godzilla and passes all those cliché plot devices. It was all done on handheld camera and it was America’s response to 9/11 much like how Godzilla was Japan’s response to the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

5. Drag Me To Hell – A triumphant return of classic, funny, balls out horror for Sam and Ted Raimi. This movie combined witty humor to gross and over the top humor with classic horror and jump-out scares. It was fun, original and it kept me enthralled in its story. You can easily tell that this somewhat like the Evil Dead series considering all the references it makes towards the films.

6. Dawn of the Dead – Out of all the remakes that came out this decade I think this one has to be one of the best because it’s made with the greatest respects to Romero’s original movie. It stays within the mall, it keeps the consumerism theme and it really plays on character development. It’s beautifully shot; the gore is great the zombies are wild. This is the only time that I would be able to except fast-pace zombies! I think we can learn a lot on how to make better remakes by studying this film and it’s well worth a watch for any zombie lover.

7. Land of the Dead – Romero has finally come back to what he knows best and that is making a great zombie movie and I think Land of the Dead is the next evolutionary step in that direction. This movie goes back to the basics of zombies for the first half and then slaps us with something we never expected… zombies that can actually think and have some kind of brain activity. If you know Romero’s stance on zombies and his ‘gospel’ then you’ll know this is something that he had planed. It has some great zombie effects and it has some funny and original zombie quarks. A great movie to go with Night, Day and Dawn.

8. Saw – Never since, possibly Ghostface, have we had a truly iconic and memorable horror villain till we got Jigsaw. His tactics, his brilliance and that infamous line “I want to play a game.” I think that Jigsaw has gone down in horror history and ranking up there with Jason, Freddy, Michael or Bates. Even more so, the score of Saw has become a staple in horror culture and has been used countless times. As for the movie, it’s original; it’s scary and brings something new to the horror genre. Like other horror icons, they made pointless sequels to it but that just shows you the magnitude this movie had.

9. Slither – James Gunn has shown us that he can take a ton of money and turn it into a studio made film that still retains it’s Troma-like qualities. This movie was fun to watch and I had a blast from start to finish. It had great humor, some witty dialogue and some outstanding creature effects and body distortions. I loved the gore and I loved how the movie progressed.

10. Paranormal Activity – This movie was made in respects to Blair Witch and it owes a lot to the ‘found footage’ genre. Even though it is receiving a slew of bad reviews now, it’s still a great original horror movie. It kept me on attentive and the sound design was great! It had some pretty scary moment and it really showed how the Internet has helped indie filmmakers.

11. The Hills Have Eyes – This is also another example of a remake done right. Aja takes the messy, grittiness of the original movie and adds in emotion, character studies and tense secluded atmosphere to make a truly horrifying film. The performances were top notch and I think what makes this movie stand out is the brutality of it and how it pays a lot to the survivor films of the 70s. This was a truly memorable film.

12. 28 Days Later – A wonderful take on the infection horror subgenre. It was fast paced, brilliantly edited and it really showed the scenery and devastation that the infection had on the city of London. It’s also a great study in personality and character. It also sparked a lot of controversy on whether or not the infected people were considered zombies or just infected people.

13. The Ring – Of all the Americanized versions of Japanese horror movies out there this one is the best because Verbinski keeps that surreal, gloomy, cold tone and the atmosphere t hat the original one had. There were some great moments and some great scares. The Ring was very disturbing and I think the score just accents the whole story. It is a must of any fan of the original.

14. Kairo – Out of all the good Japanese horror movies out there, and there are a lot to choose from, it was so hard narrowing it down to just one because all of them are so good!! I choose Kairo (Pulse) because it had to have been one of the saddest, compelling, atmospheric horror movie I had seen. There is so much subtext and meaning behind it that I was blown away. I loved this movie and the only thing that comes close to it would be The Eye.

15. Jeepers Creepers – I have this one on here because it’s probably one of the B-list horror superstars and although I am not a fan of Slava’s work, I think he did a great job with this movie. I loved The Creeper and I loved how this movie is almost like a horror western and just the general idea. It’s a great, gory movie that has so many “what the fuck” moments and I think it’s one of the best original horror movies of this decade. I loved the character of The Creeper and there is so much yet to be told, but it was also one of the first horror movies that I saw in a theater.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Why I Hated Santa's Slay

So after much anticipation I finally got around to watching a movie that everybody has told me to watch… Santa’s Slay. I first saw this movie in the library and when I picked up the DVD box and looked at it, I thought this would be a terrible movie and it is. It’s awful. It’s bullshit. The movie is about Santa Claus and how he really was the son of Satan who lost a bet with a disguised angel and in turn, he had to be good for 1000 years. Now, after all these years he’s return for Christmas to spread holiday fear. But, I don’t just not like it, I hate it and even though there were a few things that I liked there are a lot more things that I hated. I a lot of people recommended this to me and urged me to see so, I decided to make a list of reasons why I hated this movie. Below is a list of things:

1. It was pointless – I know there really doesn’t have to be a method as to why certain killers stalk certain people, but Santa just goes bizerk over these kids for no reason. Even before Santa realized that the kid’s grandfather was the angel he lost the bet to he still attacked them.

2. The wrestling moves – Now, I know that Goldberg was in this movie and he really did show off his wrestling movies but this movie relied too much on those moves. We all know he was a wrestler but I don’t think the movie should have relied only on those attacks. He didn’t need to beat up people and slam wooden tables over people; he could have done something a little more holiday themed for each kill.

3. The comedy – This movie is filled with comedy and some really terrible puns and it could have done without any of them, or at the very least they could have turned this into a dark comedy. The line “Ho ho ho hoes!” was painful to listen to. The comedy just took me out of the movie. There are some movies that are funny, entertaining and stupid but this is an example of not taking something seriously and still hating it.

4. The ‘hell-dear’ – I don’t know what this was, if it was a moose, or an ox or a wild thing or whatever but it looked stupid. Honestly, I think if they just made the reindeer look satanic or demonic it would have been better but to make a new animal was just stupid.

5. The rushed ending – The ending was totally rushed and it did not serve any justice to the would-be rematch ending. Then, in a totally awful ‘twist’ Santa is alive and he looks more like Goldberg then anything.

6. The stupidity – Just the general stupidity of this movie made me hate it. It’s a shame that such a good idea, with such a good opening scene turned into a stupid comedy horror. Honestly, I don’t know if Goldberg was acting as Santa or as himself because I felt like I was watching a WWE match. Even the pacing of the movie was a bit stupid.

Its a shame that such a potentially good movie turned into such a tasteless comedy horror. The only part that I really enjoyed about this movie was the claymaiton part of the film, which took us back to those good ol’ days of animated Christmas tales. Hell, I even enjoyed the beginning scenes and all the cameos and James Caan was a woot. I hate to say this but, if I could remake this movie, I would and I would turn it into a darker and more holiday oriented film that has some good scares and some bloody moments.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Zombie Star Wars Posters

I want to take a break from Christmas stuff and bring you something special. I cannot believe this, but my dreams came true… or one of them at least. I am a huge Star Wars fan and an even bigger zombie fan and finally they merged together into an awesome compilation of zombie genius. I found it as a link on one my horror forums and I had to post it on the blog.

"Star Wars artist Matt Busch has turned the beloved posters of the Star Wars saga and has them eating brains. If you’ve ever wondered what Luke, Leia, Han, and the gang (along with the stupid prequel characters no one cares about) would look like as zombies, look no further. The answer is: no lips, exaggerated teeth, and the women have no pupils and need to wipe their mouths. I personally love the little R2D2 with an axe in his dome and an R2 in another poster with a skeleton climbing out. Hit the jump to check them all out."
- Matt Goldberg of

Now, if only these were turned into theatrical posters and released to the public… everything will be golden.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Good and Bad of Holiday Horror

So I decided to continue my holiday post-a-thon by making a good and naughty list of Christmas horror movies. I thought this would be a good idea, since there are a lot of them and I hope this list helps many horror fans to pick and choose what holiday horror flick they want to watch. I made my list, I checked it twice and pouting is not tolerated! The ranking goes like this.

Presents = How good a movie is. The more presents, the better it is.
Coal = How bad a movie is. The more coal, the worse it is.

So, let’s begin.


Black Christmas (1974) – This was one of the first few slasher movies ever to hit the big screen and with a great tone and some really clever scare tactics, this movie builds up an atmosphere that is both scary and haunting. I had a blast watching this and it truly is a memorable horror film.
9 presents out of 10.

Christmas Evil
(1980) – This was actually a really good movie and even though it had a very slow build-up to a climactic ending, the movie built character development and made you feel for the antihero. It had some great kills and some pretty disturbing scenes but you can’t help but feel sorry for Harry.
7 presents out of 10.

Gremlins (1984) – Though, I wouldn’t call this a horror; it’s a great creature feature. It has all the conventions of any monster movie, mixed with some violent cartoon humor and of course the Gremlins… this is a holiday treat that cannot be missed. It’s so wacky and it has some amazing puppetry and physical comedy.
9 presents out of 10.

All Through the House
(1989) – Now this was a good Christmas themed slasher. It had the Christmas atmosphere of Black Christmas and it was really tense and scary. Even though it was from "Tales form the Crypt," Zemeckis proves that he can do a great horror flick.
8 presents out of 10.

Jack Frost (1996) – At first, I wasn’t much of a fan of this movie but then I realized that it had a pretty dark sense of humor and some pretty nifty ways to kill somebody. The story is also interesting and I really enjoyed the puns that the massive amounts of gore. A true diamond in the rough for the winter season.
7 presents out of 10.


Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) – Though, out of the ‘Bad’ list, this movie isn’t really that bad but it is plagued with shitty acting, some continuity errors and little to no scare value. I do credit the movie for being really controversial but that’s the only thing this movie has going for.
7 lumps of coal.

Black Christmas (2006) – This was one of the worse remakes of the 21st Century and took a beloved Christmas slasher and glossed it up with an unnecessary back story and it had one of the worse twist endings in horror history. There was nothing likeable about this, not one single thing.
9 lumps of coal.

P2 (2007) – The concept for this movie was really good and I thought it would be a good movie but it turned into a crap fest that kept getting shittier. I hated the protagonist and the killer was just idiotic. I think they could have really done some new things by abusing the setting of a parking lot but they didn’t and it turned out bad.
8 lumps of coal.

Well, there is my list of the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ Christmas horror films of all time. It wasn’t really that difficult but I did notice that I did not see that many Christmas horror films and there were a bunch of films that I have missed. Below are a list of ‘undecided’ films that I have not seen but want to:

Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974)
Santa Claws (1996)
A Christmas Nightmare (2001)
Santa’s Slay (2005)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Top 6 Awful Horror Movies of 2009

So I decided to make a list to go hand in hand with my Top 7 Horror Movies of 2009 with this Top 6 Awful Horror Movies of 2009. This wasn’t that hard to do because since most of the 2000’s have been shit and remakes, this years wasn’t any different. Although, I did have trouble seeing which movie tops one another on the crap scale. I hope you enjoy it.

6. The Unborn – This movie could have been a lot better had it not been so close to Rosemary’s Baby and had they trashed that stupid line ‘Jambe wants to be born now.’ Other then that, this movie didn’t really have much of anything going for it and I really felt let down by it. Had so much potential.

5. The Last House on the Left – A lot of people apparently liked this movie in contrast to the original but I think this movie lacked the shock value that I enjoyed from the original. Not to mention, the gritty and sadistic way the parents get back at their child’s killers. To me, this movie didn’t really take any of that into consideration.

4. The Uninvited – This movie could not keep my attention at all and apparently it’s a remake of Tale of Two Sisters. I fell asleep half way into the movie and then when I woke up I saw some chick look under an oven and then I went back to sleep. That’s how I felt about The Uninvited. Simple as that.

3. Sorority Row – This movie was utter crap and I don’t know how else to explain it. All the characters in the movie were unlikable and there were so many inappropriate times where I didn’t know if I should laugh or not. The plot was so fuzzy and this is what you get for remaking a bad movie to begin with.

2. Friday the 13th – Now this was a truly miserable movie and the reason being is that the characters are not relatable and we end up wanting them dead rather then seeing them alive. There were way too many stories in this movie, an epilogue, a post epilogue and then the story. The only good part was actually the pre-epilogue.

1. Halloween 2 – Don’t even start me on this one. There are so many things wrong with this movie from the mischaracterization of Loomis, to the progression of the plot, to the best part being a dream, to stale characters, to the general rape of Carpenter’s classic movie, to that unnecessary White Horse, to Michael’s new Grizzly Adams look, to the pointless flashbacks, to the awful ending, to the shitty music, to the stupid humor, to the excessive cursing, to the white trash, to the...

Well there is my list and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do considering I had a lot of fun making it. Honestly, I didn’t even scratch the surface of how long this list could have been.