Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Top 5 Worst Horror Movies of 2010

Well it’s that time again, the end of the year is nearing and it’s been quite a bumpy ride for horror movies. Why is it bumpy you ask? Well, most of the movies that were being released were all remakes and those that weren’t remakes were either indie films that didn’t get the recognition they deserved or they were based on a book. I am actually a little disappointed by this year’s turn out for horror films because it proved that we will be seeing a lot of remakes yet to come. Below is a list of the worst horror movies of the year and have noticed that some of them are making the ‘Best of’ lists and I can’t imagine why this is so. These atrocities of filmmaking are paving the way for a slew of unoriginal, unimaginative, boring horror movies and it makes me have a grim outlook on what 2011 holds. What’s sad is that two of my ‘Best of’ movies aren’t even horror but rather dramas… but I had to put them to the list because otherwise it would be a Top 3 list. So get your barf bag ready, strap your goggles on and make sure to bring an oxygen tank… we’re diving into the wet mound of dog shit now.

Saw 3D – This was the worst film I had seen all year and that extends to genres outside of the horror realms. I knew that it wouldn’t be good because from what I witnessed, the Saw franchise was headed into the ground… but this movie dug a 60-foot hole in the ground and buried itself there. None of the characters were likable, the direction was so rushed that it felt like they wanted to dish it to the public so they could work on the next shitfest. The traps somehow got so absurd but yet so very bland at the same time. It was all elaborate and not as simple as the first Saw movie. Mix all this tainted filmmaking techniques with convoluted plotlines, terrible acting, unanswered questions, posters that have nothing to do with the movie, pointless killing, shitty 3D, and no sense of style or rhythm and you have Saw 3D in a nutshell. I would watch any horror movie that came out this year than watch this.

A Nightmare on Elm Street – I was trying to be very optimistic with this one. I tried looking at it with new eyes. I tried to enjoy it. I tried everything I could to try to sit through it and except it for what it was but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t except the fact that Freddy was stripped of his personality and made to look like a burnt alien. I couldn’t take the fact that they took out all the grit of the original and replaced it with the glossy conventions you’d see in The O.C. or Degrassi. I couldn’t take the fact that I knew what was a dram and what was reality unlike the original where you couldn’t tell the difference. Hell, I especially couldn’t take the fact that they decided to take out all the little things that made the original memorable; little things like Freddy’s tongue coming out of the phone or the dogs with the human heads. It was one of the most anticipated and most disappointing remakes of the year. They somehow turned the movie into a teen drama rather than a horror.

Piranha 3D – With the surprising success of My Bloody Valentine 3D Dimension decided to give another cult classic the 3D remake treatment and that cult movie was Piranha. This was very disappointing because it was camp and cheese times 1000. Too much for one movie. Unlike MBV, the characters are stupid and cardboard. It seemed like the only thing that this movie had going for it was the corny 3D effects, the bloodfest during the concert and… a lot of boobs. MBV had characters that were ‘badass’ whereas here, you hoped they died just so the movie ended. MBV hardly needed any T&A because the story was already compelling. The CGI was terrible and the movie moved so fast that it felt like it could have been a Syfy original movie. But cherry on this shit sundae was having a 3D dick get thrown at me. I’ll take Tom Atkin’s jaw any day.

The Human Centipede – I’ll admit that when I first saw this I wasn’t too disappointed and I had mixed feelings. Then I realized that hardly anything happened in the movie and the scenes that were, were usually seeing somebody getting force fed shit through their mouths. It occurred to me that what type of sick person would think of this and why would they think this is something people would enjoy… but I guess there are. Sure it was original but with that aside, is there anything worth enjoying in it besides seeing people force fed shit? The answer to that is no. The movie is dry, boring and very dragging. If there had to be one thing that was worth watching, it was Dieter Laser’s performance and that’s it. Otherwise, the concept for the movie is more appealing than the movie itself.

Predators – I hated this movie when it came out but after seeing it a second time I came to the conclusion that the first half of the movie was pretty good and after the waterfall scene it falls apart. The biggest disappointment for me was that there wasn’t enough awesomeness in it. I know it sounds stupid but the first Predator movie had explosions, testosterone fueled action and a notable action hero. Predators had none of that and the characters that could have been badass (like the Yakuza or the Cartel) had such anticlimactic deaths. Personally, if they made this an original movie and not a sequel… it would have been so much better.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Daybreakers – I didn’t have too big of a problem with this movie, in fact I enjoyed it a lot but there was something that was really wrong with now that I think about it. It was something that I wanted to see but was never given the proper direction to show it. Whoever thought of the idea for this movie didn’t realize that they could have made such a memorable dystopian society. Other than that, the movie wasn’t bad but I fear that many people thought it was just average. From a story that could have had such great potential to a movie that was forgettable once it got to DVD.

We can only hope that 2011 will bring us horror salvation.

8 comments:

Emily said...

Maybe I have bad taste, but I didn't have a problem with the NOES remake (I know that puts me in the minority). I didn't want them to call back to the landmarks that made the original what it was just for the saek of doing so, and I thought the new backstory was twisted enough to be interesting. I enjoyed the fun of Piranha 3D. Sure, it's a bad movie, but it's made with full awareness of its audience and that beach massacre is one of a kind. Finally, Saw 3D...so here's the thing. I enjoy the Saw series and seem to always defend it. I don't think 7 is near the quality of 6 (which really did do some fun things with the franchise) but I found this one a hoot.

Then again, I also have bad taste.

Mr. Johnny Sandman said...

Hey now... somebody needs to love these movies. I'm guilty of loving movies that people normally hate like Gingerdead Man. Having bad taste is having a very acquired taste in film.

the jaded viewer said...

The Human Centipede and Piranha 3D are solid in my book and probably headed to my best of list.

All the others were shit.

Though I agree with you about Daybreakers..it could have been so good.

Dod said...

I definitely agree about Predators - I believed they did a decent job of introducing the characters, but then the movie sort of shrugged and said, "OK, now what?"

Mazz said...

Oooo harsh.

Mr. Johnny Sandman said...

Dod: That's a great way of putting it. Given that it's predecessor was so 'badass,' this movie should have topped that one. It should have been The Expendables meets Predator but it sort of gave up and didn't utilize the characters it had.

HorrO said...

I think we have discussed some of these movies already on Twitter. We both agree Saw was bad, and I know that you hated NOES while I liked it. I know that Piranha was actually a bad movie, but I still enjoyed it. I kept my expectations low, and didn't take it seriously. Hell, I at least enjoyed the spring break girls, and the huge death scene at the end. Predators was ok, and I thought Daybreakers would have made a great start for a TV show. Quick story about the Human Cent. I saw it the Spooky Empire in a small room full of drunk people. They were quick to point out all the flaws in the movie. Those morons were annoying, but were right. It does have a lot of flaws, but it didn't bother me. I knew the movie was mostly about the centipede. That is why I watched it, so everything else didn't seem to matter.

Mr. Johnny Sandman said...

I think even the scenes with the centipede were a little boring. I was cool to see it for the first time but it got old really quick... especially that scene in the swimming pool. That's when the movie dragged.

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