The Grindhouse Xenomorph

What can I say about the b-movie that is Dead Space? This isn’t an adaptation of the video game since it came out in 1990 or 1991 and it isn’t the movie the video game is based off of. This Roger Corman produced flick follows a freelance “space detective,” as I call him, who answers a distress signal from a nearby research facility on an unknown planet. When he gets there he finds out that the distress call was a false alarm, but was it? You see, this facility has been messing around with genetics in order to genetically create a virus that could combat another life-threatening virus that has plagued Earth. When the virus begins to manifest itself into a living creature, the resulting “baby” becomes loose in the facility. Using humans as its main source of food, the freelance detective and his trusty robot sidekick must find a way to stop it before it kills everybody in the station.

The only thing I can comment is at first I thought this was going to be a semi-humorous buddy cop movie with an alien twist but it turns out that the entire movie is a ripoff of Aliens. I wasn’t pissed about this because it went in a somewhat different direction but the resemblence between the virus and its lifecycle is uncanny to that of the Xenomorphes. In its final form, the virus has manifested itself in to a full-blown monster with giant mandibles, elongated head and body that seems to have its exoskeleton on the outside. I think what’s a dead give away aside from the giant pincers is that its head isn’t just elongated, but it’s flattened and looks like a giant headpiece, which looks just like the Queen in Aliens. Even more so, the virus forms itself into an egg, which was locked into an incubator. When one of the scientists gets too close to it the egg slowly opens up and shoots parasitic slug into her nose… just like Alien. Then, when its finished its larval form, the virus explodes out of the host’s chest and scurries away.

Does any of this mean anything in the long run? Probably not but I like ranting about these things. I quite enjoyed Dead Space if only because it reeks of b-movie goodness. It wasn’t as bad as its grindhouse counterpart The Terror Within but it was nice to see the b-movie equivalent of the Xenomorphs. In fact, many people have cited Alien for being a big budget 50’s b-movie, so I think it feels appropriate to view what it would have been like if it had a tighter budget. Still, when the movie got done I felt like watching Alien or Aliens. For being a film that was made in the 90’s, the practical effects were pretty damn good even though they weren’t as slimy or gory. I find it funny, though, that the poster for the film is set in space but not once during the entire film do any battles take place in space. There is only 10 minutes of total screen time that takes place in space, so it’s Alien in the Aliens 3 setting.

A Creature Called Camp

I didn’t know that William Malone was making movies back in the 80s, so you could imagine how stunned I was when I found out he directed Creature of 1985. The film is about an alien that is loose in a space colony and it’s up to a group of scientists to try to incapacitate it. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Alien that hunts it’s victims throughout a spaceship and a space colony… I think I saw that once but I thought it was called Alien or Aliens. But lets just say that Creature is a ripoff of Alien, but then Alien is a ripoff of It: Terror From Beyond Space, that would mean that Creature is literally a 50s sci-fi b-movie made in the 80s. That doesn’t mean it’s a b-movie because it was low budget but rather the film uses the same style clothing, props and set pieces as b-movies did back in the 50s. Let me explain a little more clearly.

The set design looks like it was reused from Planet of the Vampires; there are walls inside the spaceship filled with buttons, flashing lights and levers that do absolutely nothing. There are computer panels that don’t seem to be useful in anything they do and the walls are so blandly white and unappealing that they seem like they came from a Star Wars movie. All of this is fine but it’s weird because I feel like I should be watching this in black and white and not in color.

What I love even more, which adds to the films over campy 50s throwback are the costumes and the props. Everybody is walking around in clothes that you can find in any given Goodwill store: great flannel pants, white t-shirts, jeans and sports jackets. It’s as if the actors knew they were in a movie set in the future but didn’t care to dress for the roles. Than again, Alien does the same thing. The props, or the guns, in this movie look like toy guns in which the characters wield it around carelessly like they would in some forgotten Ed Wood movie. Even the guns look so generic and so cartoony that they don’t even look like they work or hold weight.

None of these aspects make me hate the movie because like I said, Alien had the same thing but what made this film even campier, or should I say added to the camp, was the poor direction and the terrible acting. These things with the production design turned this film into something that looks like it was literally made in 1953 on the back lot of a major studio. I wasn’t necessarily prepared for this so I ended up disliking the film but maybe if I watch it again with cheese in my eyes, I might like it. It certainly isn’t bad for one of Malone’s first films.

Also, coincidence?

The True Church of the Xenomorph

Although I am still very iffy on Aliens 3, I did have a very fun time with Jeff Martin. See, I proposed the question, “Why did Newt have to die?” because I felt the movie cheated me as a result of poor screenwriting. He responded by saying, “For your sins.” From that point on things got way out of hand we inadvertently created The True Church of the Xenomorph; a church that is dedicated to worship of the Xenomorph. The logic behind this is this: since the Mayans once worshiped these creatures, what would happen if their Xenomorph based religion trailed into the 21st century? Well, Jeff and I have taken it upon us to create a list of information for those of you wishing to join the True Church of the Xenomorph.

Info Jeff has created:

• Contributing to the offering plate will be mandatory
• In the Church of the Xenomorph, Sigourney Weaver is the Devil
• They shall celebrate the Stations of the Egg.
• Behold the Melting Pen, first held by Captain Dallas, a holy icon in the Church.
• The existence of the “Space Jockey” will be hotly debated.
• Supplicants shall wear pendants depicting Ash lying on a cafeteria table.
• Those on the Xenomorph Right claim “Salvation through gestation.”
• At reenactments of the Last Supper, smoking shall be permitted and cornbread will be served.
• Ash would be a Saint.
• Church member are allowed to conceal themselves amongst the ductwork during services, if so desired.
• The True Church of the Xenomorph does not believe in the existence of so-called “Predators.”
• Services are not to be dismissed with the phrase, “Game over, man.”
• Liberal Xenomorphs have been known to sing “Hello, My Honey” during Sabbat celebrations.
• Excommunication from The True Church of the Xenomorph is called “Ripleyfication.”
• Suppression of the gag reflex is encouraged by Church Elders.
• The prophets, O’Bannon and Shusett, are responsible for creating the Xenomorphic Scriptures.
• The True Church of the Xenomoprh never serves deviled eggs at their pot-luck diners.
• Visitors to the TCotX are always impressed by the low-lying, ankle high mist in the Sanctuary.
• Some Xenos subscribe to the teachings of Saint Jeunet, but they are largely considered to be heretics.
• The Church’s main holidays are Xeaster and Xmas
• Church growth is dictated by how often the deep salvage ships come by, usually once every fifty-seven years.
• The Church holds artificial persons in high regard, often giving them roles as bodyguards or protectors.
• Those who claim to have found another Gospel of the Xenomorph are known as “Xenomormons.”
• Xenovah’s Witnesses believe only 144.000 eggs will be laid.
• Xenomormons have been persecuted for their belief in poly-chestbursting.
• Xenomormons believe that the crew of the SULACO were one of the lost twelve tribes of Homeworld.
• Xenovah’s Witnesses are aggressive proseltyzers, going from planet to planet, wearing nice suits and carrying tracts.
• Xenomormonism is often confused with Scientology, which offends Xenomormons greatly.
• Xenomormons tend to build colonies on the Great Salt Planet, U-TAH 518.
• Acolytes must spend four years in Xeminary before obtaining a parish of their own.
• Communion in the TCotX consists of lime green lemonade and cornbread.
• Xenomorphs refer to purgatory as “the airlock.”
• The True Church of the Xenomorph values strength over beauty, hence the saying, “There’s no phase like drone.”
• Xenomorph worshipers can not love, but they will admire your purity.

Info I have created:

• The pews will be designed with Giger-like architecture.
• As a woman, giving yourself up for the egg harvest will be a great honor.
• A cup of lime green lemonade would be offered as drinking the blood of the Xenomomorph.
• Mass anit-Weyland propaganda will be handed out in masses. Bishop cyborgs will be offered as temporary sacrifices.
• The Last Supper will depict the entire crew of the Nostromos during their last ‘supper’ including Ash and Kane.
• To purify someone would involve either acid or a dirty magazine down the throat.
• Ash would be a martyr.
• Cats, especially orange tabbies, would symbolize bad luck and should be avoided.
• Referring to the mass or any Xenomorph worshiping ceremonies as a “bug hunt” would be considered taboo.
• The True Church of the Xenomorph only accepts the Xenomorph as the intelligent being in the Universe. Everything else is below it.
• Xenomorph worshipers understand the parody behind SPACEBALLS but still regard the species as the supreme leaders of the Universe.
• More Conservative Xenomorphs worshipers have been known to base hymns off of unfinished works by jerry Goldsmith.
• ‘Exorcisms’ or ‘Xenomorphisms’ are welcome as a sign of good faith and those who are ‘possessed’ are seen as ‘blessed.’
• During Xeaster the painting of Xenomorph eggs in warpaint is considered as a respectable duty.
• Saint Scott and Saint Cameron are regarded as the people who founded The True Church of the Xenomorph.
• Those who disobey any of the 10 Xeno-Commandments are sent to hell or as the Church calls it the Nostromo.
• Genetic tampering of Xenomorph eggs is forbidden. Failure to do so would result in Ripleyfication.
• Worshipers who shave their heads are actually honoring the fall of their adjacent brethren species. It’s sort of an ironic worship.
• Saint Giger is seen as the only person who has properly depicted the Xenomorph in its true shape and landscape.
• Those who break away from the Xenomorph founded the Xenovah’s Witnesses. They’re book of grace is called the Space Tower.
• Xenomormons don’t believe that the Xenomorphs have visited Earth but rather observe it.
• Xenomormons also believe that they were, in fact, two different Nostromos and therefore two different Xenomorphs.
• Strangely enough, Xenovah’s Witnesses are the nicest among the Xenomorph religion.
• True Xenomorph worshipers know not to call out to a Xenomorph by saying “here kitty, kitty, kitty.” (By Jeff): This lesson is taught in The Parable of Britt, a beloved Xenomorphic Bible story.
• Xenuns during Sunday services tell young worshipers of the courageous tales of Saint Ash and Bishop II.
• One such Xenomormon colony, LV-426, was destroyed by Xenomorphs because they didn’t observe proper Xeno-prayer.
• In Xenomorphic studies, young worshipers are offered a noble position as a Xlater Boy. Adults are offered a role as Xeacons.
• Xenomorph believers recognize the Xeno-trinity: The Xather, The Xeon and the Xeno-spirit.
• A common phrase in Xenomorph worshipers is “It’s got a wonderful defense mechanism. You don’t dare kill it.”
• Xenomorph worshipers understand that they mostly come out at night. Mostly.

So, knowing these rules… won’t you come and join The True Church of the Xenomorph. We offer a wide range of assistance, salvation and gestation. So, why not consider Xenomorph worship as new religion… and remember, you eternal being can be gestated through our services.

The Secrets of The Keep

3 weeks ago I noticed that there was a sudden increase of talk surrounding a movie called The Keep. I remember adding it to my Netflix Instant on the second week but unable to watch because I had Internet and computer problems so I had to wait until this weekend. After finally watching it and taking note that this was one of Michael Mann’s first films, I’ve come to the conclusion that this movie is not a horror movie per say. Sure it has some frightening scenes but I think it’s more of a sci-fi film than anything. It’s funny because, though it looks like it takes place in space or another planet it actually takes place on Earth during World War II. What makes it more of a science fiction film than horror? I think it boils down to the production design.

One scene in particular was very reminiscent of Blade Runner because it had the same grey, bland, geometric building design as seen in that movie. It looked as though the Keep was some otherworldly building that held a power that could have been extraterrestrial. The scene had two soldiers opening a block within a wall so that they could steal a silver idol. Before hand, a column of piercing white light shined right in front of the soldier was as if God, or even aliens, themselves provided a gateway into another world. I find it funny, the story takes place on Earth but every time they have interior scenes within the Keep… it felt like they were on another planet and maybe that was the point.

There are several scenes that feel as though they were inspired by Alien’s apocalyptic, gritty, nourish qualities. One scene showed a vast area of monolithic structures with a landscape that was dead and lonely. However, I think the best depiction of apocalyptic sci-fi imagery comes when the Nazi general confronts the evil force in it’s human-like form and scenery is grim and torn… it mirrors the aftermath of when Poland fell to the Nazi blitzkrieg. The land is covered in fog, dead and burned up Nazi bodies are sprinkled across the ground, and large, twisted vehicles are scattered around. It looked war-torn and it felt as though a bomb was dropped on area. Hell, it felt like another world; like this giant battle on another planet took place and nobody survived. The similarities are uncanny. It’s a great blend of World War II and gothic landscapes. It was filmed in black and white; it could have been a great sci-fi noir film.

Even Molasar, the demon that lives within the Keep, looks sort of otherworldly and less demonic like. Sure he has the red eyes and deep bellowing voice but his physical appearance is muscular and grey, sort of like he is wearing a body suit or armor. His neck and upper chest have tube like appendages that connect with his body, maybe giving it the impression that he needs these tube appendages to breath with. His face is like a mask or a helmet for when he is in battle. I just find his human-like manifestation very similar to that of prehistoric astronauts and spacemen from other planets.

However you look at it, it’s very hard to classify this film as a horror for me because it doesn’t look like a horror movie. The tone of the imagery is gothic but the landscape is outer-terrestrial. But than again, Alien has this same imagery that was horror. I think the only thing that I can conclude with The Keep is that it is a film that falls in between sci-fi and horror. One thing is for certain, what Molasar does to the Nazis could be considered payback for their invasion of Poland… and that’s poetic justice.

My review of The Keep.

R.I.P. Dan O'Bannon

Yesterday marked a very unfortunate and very sad time in horror movie history. Dan O’Bannon died. This man has contributed so much to the horror/action/sci-fi genre that we will never forget. He has written the brilliant screenplays for Dark Star, Alien, a portion in Heavy Metal and Total Recall. He redefined the zombie genre with the movie Return of the Living Dead, by not only making dead people talk but also combining zombies with a satirical piece on the punk movement of the 80s. He took the alien genre and gave it an eerie atmosphere and horror qualities to it. He turned it into a operatic slasher movie in space. He even wrote one of the most original horror movies of the 80’s called Dead & Buried.

It is because of these reasons that I say that Dan O’Bannon will be forever missed and us, the audience of your films, will never forget what you have contributed to filmmaking. Dan O’Bannon… I salute you.

Top 10 Horror Movie Villains Video

This is a visual list of the top ten horror movie villains of the modern horror age, which means it does not include any of the older horror movie villains. I used a list that I thought was better written and more thoughtful than any of the other lists that I found online and the list was created by The Geeks of Doom. The website below is the source of this video. 

http://geeksofdoom.com/2006/10/17/the-20-scariest-horror-movie-killers 

It took me a while to make this video and there are still kinks and some audio problems that got caught up in the playback but I think that it turned out a lot better then I initially thought.

Review - Alien (1979)

“Alien”… a space odyssey of a completely different game. Usually considered a sci-fi or an action flick but I see it more as a slasher flick that takes place on a spaceship. Think about it: there are characters with a strong female lead, the killer lurks around corridors and tight spaces and kills off the character individually and you hardly even see what the ‘killer’ looks like. There are ‘jump out’ scary scenes. Although, what I have noticed is that “Alien,” considering that it is a Ridley Scott picture, is a very feministic movie.  Lets break it down.

1. Ripley is a very strong lead character who is determined, shows signs of excellent leadership, is on a ship manned by mostly men, can get cocky and in your face and she single handedly defeats the Xenomorph.
   
2. The beginning scene shows all the crew members in a white, clean, sterile room with sleeping pods that resemble fertilized eggs. The alien ship is very twisted, raw, and falling apart and the central room has a structure that looks like a giant dick.
   
3. The Nostromos is also called “Mother,” and the alien ship could be implied as the father.
4. The Facehugger ‘impregnates’ one of the crewmembers by a long prehensile appendage through his mouth.
5. The android attacks Ripley in such a way that resembles rape and domestic abuse. Then, using a pornographic magazine, he tries to kill her by shoving it down her throat, resembling…
   
6. When the android gets pissed at Ripley, he stares at her and thinks about hurting her and then he starts to secrete a white liquidly substance.
   
7. When Ripley is in her underwear and getting into the space suit, the Xenomorph’s second prehensile mouth extends out of its mouth almost as though she was arousing it.
   
8. In the end, Ripley cares for Jonesy and while the Nostromo explodes, Ripley takes on the weight of becoming a mother to the cat. 

I love “Alien” and H.R. Gigers brilliant Xenomorph and atmospheric designs only helps this movie seem so surreal and wonderful. I think that it is, with out a doubt, one of the best science fiction/horror movies made to this day.