Drilling Her To Death

When thinking about slasher flicks, one can’t pass up that fact that many of them are known for having male killers who use sharp protruding weapons. Michael Meyers has a knife, Leatherface has a chainsaw and The Miner has a pickaxe. All these weapons have been analyzed, especially Meyers’ knife, and general consensus is that they are all phallic symbols. They’re all metaphors for the male genitals and when you think about how they’re meant to attack helpless women, the similarities are uncanny. Does this mean that most slashers are feminist movies? Maybe. Maybe not. I do want to bring up a slasher flick that has a weapon that fully embodies the male sex organ, mainly because when men talk about having sex with a woman they sometimes refer to it as either “nailing” or “drilling.” I’m going to hell for this but I am talking about The Slumber Party Massacre and the weapon of choice in this flick is a massive drill. There is nothing more satisfying than seeing a sweaty, psychopathic man promiscuously penetrating every girl and guy that he sees with his drill.

NOTE: This is probably going to be a very trivial yet raunchy article.

There is a reason as to why I think a drill is more of a phallic symbol than any other weapon but also keep in mind that I haven’t seen that many slasher movies to compare this to. Most of the slasher movies that I’ve seen usually involve knives, bare hands or whatever is lying around the killer at the time. The drill’s appearance has the closest resemblance to the penis than any other weapon, but than you can argue for the chainsaw’s appearance from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. It’s true that the chainsaw may look a penis but it’s only in a 2-dimentional form, whereas the drill is 3-dimentional. And, in the additional dirty sense, both the drill and the penis have “heads” that come to a point.

I really am going to hell, I know.

Even more so, the killer shows more traits of a repressed sexual molester than most cliché-ridden slasher villains. I think one of the biggest examples of being a sexually harmful slasher is that when he confronts our main heroine he begins to talk to her, hauntingly admitting that he loves her and that she should love him back. He says it a quiet yet nervous whisper, like he’s slowly getting aroused by it but then again, I’m well aware that a lot of slasher villains to the same thing. However, how many slasher villains out there hold on to their weapon as though it was their pride and joy? The killer in this film is shown grasping on to his drill as if it gives him power, which only furthers my theory that the drill is more of a phallic symbol than any other slasher weapon. Then, as the girl screams he “turns on” the drill and begins to kill her. I believe this may be the first phallic weapon that gets “aroused” by girls screaming.

This is a little off topic but I think it’s funny that as I was watching this I immediately thought of phallic objects because apparently this is a feminist movie. I’m not sure how, exactly, this qualifies as a feminist movie but word around the campfire is because it’s directed by a female… but even still I just don’t get it. During the initial viewing of the film I didn’t catch anything that seemed ‘feminist’ because it seemed like the girls in this movie were all inept. One of them even went as far as to eat the pizza that the dead delivery boy had in his hand because she was hungry from nervousness. Sure it adds to the comedic value but I don’t think that reflects feminism unless I, myself, don’t understand what feminism really is. Either way, if it is meant to be feminist than the drill is certainly a “manly” weapon.

I am aware that this was a very pointless and pretty random topic to discuss but it was the first thing that popped into my head. After spending little over a year looking for this movie, I thought it would be something great or exceptionally cheesy but instead I got a very average slasher with one exception: a perfect phallic weapon. I’ll hand it to the creators that an enormous battery powered electric drill is a pretty clever weapon next to a chainsaw or a pickaxe. Either way, I hoped you enjoyed this pointless and ‘classy’ thought on Slumber Party Massacre.

Review - Scream 4 (2011)

Wes Craven has made a name for himself as master of the horror genre starting off with Last House on the Left, working his way through Nightmare on Elm Street and pasting People Under the Stairs but soon after the slasher sub-genre began to die down. That was until he wrote and directed the movie the revitalized the slasher but also, funnily enough, parodied it as well. That movie was Scream and it started a phenomenon of mediocre yet original slasher flicks like Urban Legends, I Know What You Did Last Summer and Valentine and the idea of a self-aware movie. Soon after came Scream 2, which parodied the slasher sequel and following that was Scream 3 of which remains a mystery to me. I don’t think Scream 4 could have come at a better time because not only does it poke fun at Wes Craven (meaning all the remakes he had a hand in giving the okay to) but it pokes fun at movies like Saw, which rely on over-the-top gratuitous bloodshed or horror remake. Maybe it’s the fact that I was under the influence of 6 cups of coffee and 12 packets of sugar but I really enjoyed Scream 4 because it is what it’s parodying and I know a lot of people will be let down by it and I understand that it is far from a perfect movie but let me explain why I enjoyed this movie. Also, to it put it in a better perspective I didn’t think it was brilliantly written like the first one but I enjoyed it in the same vain as I did with the My Bloody Valentine remake.

Scream 4 is about Sidney Campbell returning to Woodsboro to try and live a peaceful life after writing a book on her experience with the Ghostface killer. Gale has since retired from TV journalism and settled down with Sheriff Dewey. However, upon her return a copycat killer, disguised as Ghotface, begins slashing his way through the new generation of teens at Woodsboro High. However, Sidney isn’t the only one who is affected by these heinous events but also her cousin and her Aunt who have lived with the idea that she is the “angel of death.” With a new killer in town, following modern day slasher rules, Sidney, Gale and Dewey must find the iller before he or she kills off the entire Campbell family. Scream 4 opens up perfectly because it sets the tone for how ridiculous the film will be and how absurd it can get. If we look at the general state of horror movies today, they incorporate over-the-top kills, hammy acting and a lot of really bad plot twists and I think Scream 4 was sort of how I, and probably others, felt about the Saw franchise. It also builds it’s plot on all the types of remakes that have been made and there is a rather funny scene where the killer asks Hayden Panettiere about remakes in she begins to name off every single one of them. It really put the whole remake craze into perspective.

I don’t’ want say who the killer is but I might give away a few spoilers in this paragraph but I’ll try to avoid doing so. See, the way I see it the killer represents the new generation of horror movies and horror fans trying to desperately to improve on the original or in some cases one-up the original. Since the killer is trying to reinvent the Woodsboro murders to have a different outcome, he or she sees Sidney as the ‘original’ victim and therefore she must be killed. If we look at this in terms of the Halloween remake, Rob Zombie wanted to reinvent or reimage Michael Meyers but in the process he ended up ruining what the original stood for in horror. There are several old-school allusions of old school horror trying to pair up with modern day horror and failing and I am making reference to Gale going “rogue” in her investigation and teaming up with the Woodsboro High film club. There is Sidney’s cousin trying to get along with her despite the fact that she is the primary target of the killer, Dewey being sexually tempted by a younger female deputy and of course the ending. They are all based on the idea of old meets young and I think it’s funny that none of these relationships work out as if it’s Craven’s commentary on how the Nightmare on Elm Street remake could never fair with its remake. Hell, it’s almost like Craven is mocking himself as Mr. Hollywood Horror.

I think Scream 4 has the right to be bad and what I mean by that is throughout the entire film there are ridiculous performances, one-liners here and there, out of place but still funny humor and exaggerated events. Why should it be exactly that? Because that’s what it’s parodying. Take the original Scream for an example; Sidney says, when the killer first calls her, that the females in horror movies are idiots because they run upstairs instead of running out the front door. So, what does she do when the killer attacks her? She runs up the front door. Not only does she challenge the cliché but also she ends up reinforcing it later on. The same thing goes for this movie; it challenges the ridiculousness of horror movies but ends up being ridiculous in the process. I think that’s what Scream’s niche is. I personally think it did a great job of doing this.

I do, however, want to make this clear that I don’t think Scream 4 is as good as Scream or Scream 2 nor do I think that it’s a perfect movie because it’s not. With that said, I would rank this one above 3 because I hated 3. Sure there are flaws in the movie and I think the biggest one that it suffered from was that the story seemed more focused on Gale trying to regain her fame back and Sidney’s cousin trying to cope with the killings. I think it should have focused on Sidney’s cousin and Sidney herself with Gale as a side story. The film touches on the notion that Dewey is being seduced by a younger police deputy but quickly abandons this story midway into the film. For a movie that states that the kills have to be more theatrical and over-the-top, they really weren’t. Sure the killer stabs the victims several times and even goes as far as to thrash them around the house but the 1^st movie had Drew Barrymore hanging from a tree with her intestines spilled out. The only theatrical kill that was exaggerated was having a body thrown down a 5-story parking lot. Sure there is a very limited amount you could do with a knife but the bodies should have at least been strung up or something.

As I have said already, Wes Craven has made a name for himself as a master of horror but he has since become very studio oriented and made a lot of crap after Scream (with the exception of Red Eye). Though Scream 4 didn’t redeem him, it does show that he is aware of how horror fans are towards remakes and reboots. I think that Craven really tarnished himself with movies like Cursed or My Soul To Take and I think that Scream 4 will be his last entertaining movie but he still loves horror even if his movies don’t reflect that. I won’t go into the details because it’s probably one of the best scenes in the entire film as well as recent horror history but I will say this: he said what all us old school horror fans have been saying for a long time now, you just don’t fuck with the original.

Mental Caries: A Look Inside A Decaying Mind

As a horror fan, when you lay down on the seat to have a dentist drill your mouth for cavities or pick at your teeth for plaque, you probably think about that movie The Dentist. I know I did, though funnily enough I never was afraid of the dentist because of it. No, when I saw this movie (when I was about 11 or 12) all I could think about was how vulnerable my teeth and gums really where. The entire well being of my teeth lied within the hands of my dentist and if he wanted to, he could make me ware braces the rest of my life. I wasn’t scared of my dentist drilling my teeth to bits but rather scared of the idea that he could. Then again, my dentist was a divorcee who turned to the bottle and was suspended of his license when people complained about his alcoholism and shaky hands. Though, this isn’t nearly as bad as Dr. Alan Feinstone. See, the way I remembered The Dentist was that it was a movie with gratuitous teeth torture and a lot of chasing but what the film really is, is an underrated film that drills into the mind of a psychopath. I’d go further into saying that it has the possibility of ranking up there with Psycho and Silence of the Lambs.

The story centers around a very successful dentist named Alan Feinstone. He’s got it all: a beautiful loving wife, a thriving practice and a respectable reputation within the dentistry community. However, when he comes to suspect that his wife may be cheating on him with the pool boy, he discovers that behind every smile of bright white teeth there is decay hard at work. Now, as he slowly begins to loose his grip on sanity, Feinstone begins to try to reason things out but his mind won’t let him. It isn’t long until he decides to slip completely off the deep end and kill those who have done him wrong and those who lie within his path. But the plot goes deeper into Alan’s psyche because once we realize that he is insane, we begin to suspect that perhaps his wife isn’t having an affair but that it might be in his head. Thankfully, in the end of it all, it’s up to you to decide whether all of it was fake or in his head.

So, how, exactly, does the film get inside the mind of Alan Feinstone? It’s very simple. Yuzna does a masterful job at utilizing filters and camera tricks to show Alan’s decent into madness. The entire movie has this ‘Pleasantville’ look; bright colors, luminescent profiles, heavenly whites and bright blue skies but every time we see Feinstone thinking about things… it’s distorted or showing him looking at himself in a mirror. It’s rather genius how they contrast the bright, glamorous lifestyle of a successful Beverly Hills dentist with the distorted, stylized camera angles. That would mean that this movie is visually satisfying and really adds to the distortion of Alan’s mind. It’s a pretty obvious technique to use image distortion and camera filters to show mental insanity but not many people utilize it. There is also the use of close-ups of grease stains, rotting teeth and mud. We are flung into Feinstone’s head as he watches, in disgust, as the pool boy sullies his wife’s clean face. The scary thing is, as the audience, we can’t help but feel disgusted as well, especially when we see brown rotting teeth. Considering Corbin’s performance is already strong, these camera effects only further Feinstone’s character.

Speaking of Feinstone’s character, what makes him such a great candidate for psychological profiling? As I mentioned before, I ranked this film up there with Psycho and Silence and for good reason. Both of those films have such a captivating yet charismatic character that can be analyzed for mental illness and Feinstone is no exception. In fact, I’d have to include Misery on that list as well. What is so captivating about Feinstone is that he is our anti-hero and we aren’t really given the opportunity to bond with the ‘final girl’ or any other character. We right away follow him from his grim discovery of his wife’s affair all the way till the end when he is sent to an institution. In that regard, I love how the film opens up with him addressing us on how everybody has a story. Going deeper into Feinstone’s head we right away understand that he is unstable because he flipped out over his wife for ironing the wrong shirt since his cufflinks didn’t match. Upon seeing his wife engaging in ‘first base’ activities with the pool boy we feel for Feinstone and we start to understand why he hates decay and he lies the metaphor for what Feinstone’s psyche is based on. His wife, dressed in clean white clothes, kisses the pool boy who rubs brown dirt all over her legs. It’s such a perfect metaphor for the act of dirtying perfection and causing decay and plaque. This drives Feinstone over the edge and at first he thinks about killing himself and he becomes sympathetic because he tries so hard to fight his hallucinations, and we watch as he helplessly descends into madness. He begins to think that everybody has dirty teeth, which may be a metaphor for how everybody has dirty secrets but wear masks of innocents. Perhaps he believes that it’s his job to clean up people’s immoral filth.

Throughout the film, Feinstone mumbles to himself on how dentists are underappreciated no matter how hard they work. He brings up a great quote that states how they have to clean people’s teeth and yet we, the patients, hate them for it. It’s very true because we all hate going to the dentist, especially at a young age but yet we don’t realize that the dentist is actually a great person to have around. Our teeth are one of the most important things in our bodies. When Feinstone finally decides to enact his homicidal revenge on his wife and the pool boy, it’s the defining moment and the point of no return. By this point, Alan becomes a full-fledged psychopath and believes that he has to rid plaque-infested human there is. It’s a rather grim but sad turn of events since we were with Feinstone all the way up until this point. It’s a rather tragic turn of events. This is where we get into the really grisly teeth torture where he drills people’s teeth apart, slices tongues and mutilates gums and lips. I couldn’t take these scenes because I have sensitive teeth and to see somebody’s gums ripped to shreds makes me queasy. By this point, Ken Foree says it best, “He’s a man driven over the edge.” All the pressure of taxes, a failing marriage and a reputation to hold up has put so much pressure on him that he finally snapped.

As far as comparing it to when I was a kid, it’s vastly different from what I remembered. Shockingly, I can’t believe that I didn’t have nightmares of teeth torture and dentistry. I was never afraid of my dentist but I hated going to him because of all the fluoride I had to keep in my mouth and the fact that I couldn’t eat for an hour after getting my teeth cleaned. I remember very fondly some of the dental torture and that beautifully shot scene where Feinstone was slashing the pool boy (pictured above). The rest of the film sort of escaped my head for some reason. Looking back on it, if you couldn’t tell, I love this movie but not because of dental horror but rather the characterization. At a young age it was obvious that I didn’t give two shits about Feinstone, I just wanted blood and action. Now, I think Feinstone, while he was thinking about plaque and decay are the best parts of the movie.

All these musing lead me to believe that The Dentist isn’t a typical horror movie. There are no monsters, the killer doesn’t pop out of the closet and there isn’t a ghost haunting anybody. No, this is a hard-boiled film that follows one man’s descent into insanity. Of course there are is blood and the occasional jump scare but otherwise, this movie is horrifying in it’s own right. It’s horrifying because of how Feinstone’s mind works. He’s the perfect psychopath because he believes he is doing good and isn’t aware that he is actually butchering people, and that is the worst kind of monster. In turn, The Dentist is a smart movie that really puts the viewer into Feinstone’s head and offers no sympathy for when things go terribly wrong. It’s a highly underrated movie that has the potential of being one of the most disturbing horror movies out there. In the end, it makes you want to power rub your teeth with alcohol and sandpaper.

My Appreciation for The Creeper Part I

“Every 23^rd spring for 23 days it gets to… eat. You’ve got something it likes… one of you. It eats lungs so it can breath, it eats eyes so it can see. Whatever it eats… becomes a part of it. I don’t know if it’s a demon or a devil… or just some hungry thing from some dark place in time… but when you hear that song you run, and I mean run! ‘Cause that song means something terrible for you, something so terrible you couldn’t dream of it… not in your worst most terrible nightmare.”

Let’s be honest here for a few minutes, how many memorable horror villains have come up within the new millennium? Sure, there is the charismatic yet elaborate Jigsaw who has become a huge household name but that’s about it. We haven’t really had a known or recognizable face in horror besides him and with all the remakes out; I doubt we will ever find one. That is if you consider The Creeper. Yes, I am talking about that creepy demonic thing that walks around long coat, stalks people via truck, and eats for 23 days on every 23 spring. I consider him to be one of the most underrated horror movie villains of the past 10 or so years and there are a number of reasons why. The main reason why I think that is, unlike Jigsaw, he doesn’t have morals and he isn’t trying to teach people lessons but rather hunts and kills because he needs to. I want to discuss why The Creeper is, or should be, one of the greatest villains to emerge out of the new generation and to limit myself I will be only discussing his trains as shown through the first movie… for now.

Jason Voorhees has the machete, Michael Meyers has the kitchen knife, Freddy Krueger has his glove, Leatherface has his chainsaw, but what trademark tool does The Creeper have? The answer to that question is nothing. The new generation of horror villains don’t need a trademark weapon, instead their reputation is their trademark. Think about it. What can be worse than having some thing hunt you because it’s starving, because you caught it’s scent, because it needs you and because you have the right amount of fear that it feeds off of? These traits are so barbaric and animalistic that it’s unsettling to know that it isn’t even an animal but some kind of creature that has been around for years. Some may argue that it is his physical appearance that is trademark but I disagree. If it has to be appearance it would have to be the way he is dressed. Wearing only boots, an Australian drover coat, a wide brimmed hat and gloves; his scarecrow like persona only adds to the fact that he inspires fear into those around him. His look is gritty and dirty. It’s a look that I haven’t seen since Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

In terms of abilities he isn’t a zombie, he doesn’t have some curse on him, he isn’t an entity that lives in our imagination and he isn’t just some hard-boiled psychopath so his abilities are somewhat limited. However, this means that he is a creature that is not of this Earth and that means he is closer to being demonic than anything. The Creeper has extreme stamina and strength, even though his appearance resembles and old man. It seems as though he has super speed, which may come from the fact that he is hiding giant bat wings under his jacket. I haven’t seen a serial killer jump on somebody’s car hood; grab them by punching the hood open, and than slicing of his head. Hell, I haven’t seen a killer sniff another person’s head right before biting his tongue out. Actually, that brings me to a point relevant to the above paragraph… perhaps The Creeper’s signature weapon should have been the giant axe that he wields right before cutting off the cop’s head and this was way before Hatchet came out. I also like the fact that he can regenerate limbs, organs and body parts simply by consuming them off of humans. It’s such a grotesque way of body reconstruction that the mere thought of it is repulsing. That also might be one of his trademark features as well.

Now, is The Creeper an emotionless zombie? Does he feel emotion? Is he a homicidal goofball? Is he mildly retarded? Or, is he a prick? His personality isn’t what you’d call charming but he isn’t emotionally cold either. Let’s compare him to Jigsaw for a minute. Jigsaw is a dick. He likes to watch his victims suffer and before he captures him and if he meets them before hand, he is sarcastic and sort of acts like a douche. The Creeper is a cock. He knows that he is unbeatable and he likes letting his victims know it. Take for example right before he blasts off into the night with Darry, Darry’s sister pleads with him and just when she things she managed to change his mind… The Creeper smiles and shoots off into the sky. I’m willing to bed that one of those cops, or even Darry’s sister, deep down inside said, “What a cocky son of a bitch.” But this scene also reveals another very important characteristic about The Creeper. He isn’t the emotionally cold monster we may think he is but maybe he understands the pain he is causing. However, I’m willing to bet that he understands it but realized that he can’t do anything about it so he embraces what he is. Still, he is a cock-hole.

But as I think about it, is The Creeper just some mindless demon with some remorse to human life? Some people will argue that he is quite intelligent and rather artistic. Let’s look at some of the things he enjoys. First off, given that he is some giant bat thing, it’s very strange to see him whistle. Perhaps he’s learned it from humans and if that’s the case, I’m sure he learned plenty of other things. His ‘House of Pain’ is lined with dead corpses, which, as sick as it may be, is very artistic and original. I’ve never seen a villain appreciate artwork so much. If I am not mistaking, his dens (both in the chapel and in that industrial park) are filled with artwork and sculptures that he apparently made. By looking at the bodies that he’s stitched up and what he did to Darry in the end… he has demonstrated that he has a profound love for sewing and patchwork. But, the best artistic trait of all is that he not only has an old phonograph but he has a great taste in music. C’mon, what other villain out there listens to Louis Armstrong? Perhaps, The Creeper is a little more cunning and creative than Jigsaw.

Combined with his love for nostalgia (I am specifically talking about the fact that he won’t give up his souped 1941 Chevrolet COE), his love for good old time music, his demonic Southwestern appearance and his persistent attitude, this villain was made for me at least in terms of new generation movies. He is cunning, he is iconic and very intelligent and it’s such a shame that he isn’t as big as he should be. The Creeper has the opportunity of becoming one of the greatest villains of the past 10 years and it seems that people are a little distracted by Jigsaw. No matter, but maybe I can persuade them into looking deeper into The Creeper. Join me next time where I will be discussing his characteristics from the second movie.